And they just keep on comin’! My toddler has become quite the unintentional comedian. A few more jewels of wisdom for your reading pleasure.
Me: [driving to doctor’s office for son’s potential ear infection] Does it still hurt, Sweetie?
Toddler: Yes. I think I hit my ear when I was running. I have to be more careful.
Me: Does it hurt on the inside of the ear or the outside?
Toddler: On the inside.
Me: What does it feel like? Is it a sharp pain?
Mom: [in a eye-rolling kind of tone] Nooo Mommy! A shark swims in the OCEAN! Not in my ears!
Hubby: [getting toddler up after an early nap for misbehaving] Are you in a better mood now?
Toddler: Yes. I sorry, Daddy. I sorry for hitting.
Hubby: Why did you hit? Were you tired?
Toddler: Yes, I was tired.
Hubby: If you’re tired, you can just tell us and we can leave the park. You don’t have to misbehave. You don’t have to hit.
Toddler: [stunned] I no have to hit?!
Toddler: [still in shock] I no have to hit when I’m tired?! [pause, thinking] When I’m tired I just tell Mommy and Daddy? Then we go home?? I no have to hit?!
Toddler: [with his toy doctor kit] Mommy, let me listen to your heart!
Me: Okay. [toddler listens with toy stethoscope]
Toddler: Okay, now I will look in your ear.
Me: Okay. [toddler peers inside]
Toddler: Turn around, Mommy.
Me: Okay. [I turn around but startle as toddler tries to insert something sharp into my you-know-what] Hey, what are you doing!?
Toddler: [holding up his toy thermometer] Taking your temperature!
Toddler: [with list and pencil] Mommy, what do you want to eat?
Me: Hmmm… I would like an ice cream sundae.
Toddler: Okay! [runs into the kitchen, then back] Here you go!
Me: Can I get a cherry on top?
Toddler: We have no cherries.
Me: Can you go get some?
Toddler: Okay! I am going to the store now! [starts walking across the living room]
Me: Okay, start your car…
Toddler: [shaking his head, exasperated] MOMMY! There is no car in here! This is the LIVING ROOM!
Toddler: [standing shirtless in front of the mirror and repeatedly pressing his outtie belly button in roughly] AARRRGHH!
Me: What are your doing??
Toddler: I’m trying to fix my belly button! It broke and I can’t get it back in!
Baby: [crying at the dinner table]
Me: Aw, are you all done with your dinner now? What’s wrong?
Toddler: [earnestly] I think he wants some mint chocolate chip ice cream now.
Toddler Friend: [helpfully, after having just beat my toddler in a foot race] You should really try some more vegetables.
Toddler: They will help me go faster?
Toddler Friend: Yes they will. You should really think about it. Try it and see.
Toddler: [running ahead of us on a walking path] I’m fast, Mommy!
Random Couple: [smiling as toddler runs by them] Wow, you are fast!
Toddler: No! I am SUPER fast! I eat my vegetables. The vegetables make me go SUPER fast!
Seriously… Can I just freeze this age??
Your post made me chuckle!!
I have a 2 year old whose ‘logic’ gives me a different (often hilarious)perspective to any given situation, I cannot help but grin at his innocence and how simple he makes things to seem!!
The glory of childhood!!!
It’s so cute what comes out of their mouths, and with such seriousness! Makes the Terrible Twos all worthwhile.